Deacon's School Orientation Weekend

Saturday July 9, 2016 

Letting go of expectations and perfectionism, learning how to live again.

I have heard in NA that, “expectations are resentments waiting to happen,” and I believe it. That doesn’t mean I’ve given them up for Lent. The Gospel reading today was Jesus at the well with the Samaritan woman and his disciples’ expectations of him. Jesus doesn’t behave the way they think he should. Talk to a Samaritan woman? What do you mean you have food we don’t know about? During the sermon I realized that I-of course-had expectations of what today would be like and they weren’t what was happening. Let ‘em go.

It’s bedtime and I’m tired but I’m also so full of everything, no sleep just yet. I've decided to recommit to my blog because I've already had many feelings and thoughts so I wanted to find a place to put them all and this is it. 

When I write I have ideas that it has to be perfect. So, I think to myself: write, blog, let it go.

Fix your misspellings, correct the worst typos, make sure it makes sense and be done. I'll save my attempts at writing perfection for school. I’ll let you know how that’s going for me.

And, learning how to live again? What’s up with that? 104 days to read 6 books, finish reading the Bible (824 pages left), finish my Bible Journal project, keep up with my classmates, visit 4 other parishes, write an unknown number of papers, create an Old Testament Timeline, and more.

I've finished all my work so far, I will finish all of this new batch. One of my writing unknowns before this weekend was about the tone of my papers. In my 4 years of writing group I wrote reflective pieces, and now I have to get academic. I'm glad to know what expected of me.

Parish shopping for an internship church, already beginning to pull away from St. Paul’s to continue this adventure, praying, reading, writing, building new community! Whew! What else? Finding discernment support and prayer about my internship parish. In less than a year I have to apply for candidacy for ordination, another interview with Bishop Goff, and a visit with the Diocesan Standing Committee.

Necessity is the mother of invention, they say, and I’ve just realized that my need for support is the necessity that will give birth to a different prayer life. I’ve come to know that God is calling me to a deeper, more mature faith and a richer prayer life. I’m ready, I’m able, I’m committed.

Amen.